


Spiderkid?

by Sleep_Is_For_The_Weak



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bottom Stephen Strange, Chatting & Messaging, Domestic Avengers, Group chat, Harley Keener is a little shit, Harry is a Little Shit, Loki is a good boi, MJ Is A Little Shit, Multi, Ned Leeds is a Little Shit, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Tony Stark, Sassy Peter Parker, Texting, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange Parenting Peter Parker | Supremefamily | Strange Family, everyone's a little shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23927200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleep_Is_For_The_Weak/pseuds/Sleep_Is_For_The_Weak
Summary: Before the Rogue Avengers can return, Tony has to bond with them over text to prove they can still be a team. He decided to add Peter, as Spider-Man, to help Peter move on.Crappy summary, but it's a text fic, so does the summary really matter?
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Comments: 87
Kudos: 899





	1. Smallboi vs Everyone But Tony

**Author's Note:**

> New fic, and I only have a vague idea of where I'm taking it. Please let me know if you enjoy it in the comments, and have a good day!

Smallboi has been added to the Assvengers Groupchat

Smallboi- um...what?

Tincan- I figured if I have to talk to them because of Sokovia, so do you

Smallboi- Oh, so they know about you-know-what?

Tincan- Yes, and only that

Smallboi- Roger that

Captain- Roger what?

Tincan- Leave my spider alone, Rogers

Falcon- Why is his name smallboi?

Tincan- Because he’s small?

Smallboi- You’re barely taller than me Mr. Stark

Tincan- Shhhhh

Smallboi- Did you guys know all of Mr. Stark’s shoes have lifts in them to make him look taller? They’re in the suit too

RedSpy- I like this kid

Captain- Kid?

RedSpy- What, you actually fell for that fake deep voice?

Captain- He’s a fucking kid?

Smallboi- Language

Tincan- Yes Rogers, don’t cuss in front of the spiderbaby

Smallboi- I’m not that young Mr. Stark!

NotAWolf- We fought a kid? Like an actual child?

Smallboi- I’m not a child!

Tincan- To be fair, he was almost a teenager

Smallboi- It wasn’t almost, I was definitely a teenager!

Tincan- Semantics

Hawkguy- You brought a child to Germany to fight us?

Tincan- I didn’t know how young he really was until we were on the plane, and when I tried to make him stay on the plane, he snuck off it them moment my back was turned

Scarlet- Of course you’d take a fucking kid to a battle

Smallboi- Shut up.

Scarlet- Excuse me?

Smallboi- No, I will not excuse you. You’re a jerk

Tincan- Play nice Underoos

Smallboi- No! They all hurt you and you’re just pretending that everything is fine! It’s not fine! And I’d tell them this face to face if they were allowed back, but because they won't cooperate, it probably won’t happen, therefore, I’ll tell them here.

NotAWolf- That’s completely understandable

Captain- You’re just going to let a kid yell at us Buck?

NotAWolf- Yes, he has the right to his own opinion, and I’ll admit, you guys could have worked with Stark more, or told me the full story before shoving me in the middle of it. We messed up big time, now it’s time to apologize and do our best to mend all the burned bridges.

Smallboi- I like you a little more now

Tincan- Who knew you’d be the first to apologize? Also, the Accords are being amended, so your return is almost guaranteed at this point, maybe even within the year.

RedSpy- Already? How’d you work that out?

Tincan- Rhodey and I convinced them that it would take far too long to round up all the younger mutants and train them to be Avengers. Most of them are also minors, so it wouldn’t be very safe for anyone to start them that young and just toss them to the sharks

HawkGuy- So where does that leave the kids?

Tincan- We’re working with Shield, new and improved, to start mini teams where they can learn to work with others in their areas and eventually, if they want to, join other sections of the Avengers

Captain- How long have you been working on this?

Tincan- Since I found out about Spidey’s age

Smallboi- It went...yeah.

Captain- Speaking of that, why are you letting a child fight villains?

Smallboi- He tried to stop me and take my suit, but that ended up with me being crushed by a building, so now he just trains me and helps me improve the suit

Falcon- How are you so calm about all of this

Smallboi- After so much trauma, it kinda just blends in together

Tincan- And this is why he’s in therapy

Falcon- Fair enough

Captain- Is he going to be in one of these smaller teams?

Tincan- Not exactly. He and a couple other people are going to be their own team under my guidance and funding, rather than Shield’s

Captain- Who else is on the team?

Smallboi- None of your business.

Tincan- What he said but nicer

NotAWolf- I’m assuming their friends of yours you’re worried about

Smallboi- Mayhaps

RedSpy- Do you enjoy working with Tony?

Smallboi- Yeah, it’s a lot of fun!

HawkGuy- Are we talking about the same Tony?

Smallboi- Biologically, yes. Psychologically, no.

Falcon- What?

Smallboi- Friday has showed me clips of the Mr. Stark you guys knew, and talked to, and that’s not my Mr. Stark. Mine is nicer, he makes food, takes care of his friends, shows up to some of my school stuff if my aunt can’t, and won’t even have alcohol in the Compound so he won’t fall into bad habits. You guys don’t know my Tony

Tincan- Kid, stop being mushy

Smallboi- You’re not the boss of me!

Tincan- I am though

Smallboi- Okay….I’ll tell H.

Tincan- Shouldn’t you be asleep?

Smallboi- Mr. Stark, it’s 7:30am

Tincan- Yes, but did you sleep at all last night?

Smallboi- No, but I’ve been talking with you guys all night

HawkGuy- Shit, your parents would kill us if they knew

Tincan- Don’t do it kid

Smallboi- Imma do it

Tincan- I’ll tell your therapist

Smallboi- My parents can’t be mad

Tincan- And he’s doing it

Falcon- Why not?

Smallboi- They’re dead.

Captain- I’m sorry kid

Smallboi- I don’t even remember them, so it’s not really as bad as people think

Scarlet- Did you ever think that maybe you shouldn’t tell strangers your parents are dead?

Smallboi- Considering only Mr. Stark knows who I am, and maybe Mrs. Blackwidow ‘cause she’s an awesome spy, then there’s no harm to it

NotAWolf- Fair assumption

RedSpy- If it helps, your school pictures are adorable. Although, when we meet we will be talking about those bruises

Smallboi- Yes ma’am.

Tincan- Stop trying to parent my spiderkid

RedSpy- No, we are both spiders, therefore I have natural dibs

Tincan- Yes, but do you have legal custody?

RedSpy- No, but neither do you

Tincan- I have emergency guardianship which would turn to legal custody if necessary

RedSpy- Touche. You win this round Stark

Smallboi- He cried when my aunt added him

Tincan- Shut your mouth

Smallboi- Nope.

Captain- So you stalked this kid, found him, brought him to Germany, tried to stop him from fighting, only to basically adopt him?

Tincan- Yes.

Smallboi- In an overly simplified explanation that talks nothing about how we actually bonded, yes.

NotAWolf- I like this kid

Tincan- Great, now he’s got two spies on his side. The world is doomed.


	2. Cookies and Boyfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title sums it up pretty well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignore any inaccuracies to cannon, this is not going to stick to cannon, so if that's what you're looking for, I can't help you. Also, yes, Pepper and Tony are broken up in this story because that's how I wanted to write it. Steve and Wanda are kinda rude, because that's how I wanted to write it. They may get a redemption arc, but honestly, I have no clue. Also, who do you think Tony and Peter are talking about? Hope y'all enjoy, things are gonna start picking up soon! Also, no I will not always update this story this fast, I just like starting them off strong.

Captain- So Spiderman, tell us about yourself

Smallboi- First off, there’s a hyphen. It’s Spider-Man. And second off, no.

Scarlet- You’re kind of rude

Smallboi- Only to people I don’t know or like

Tincan- Even then he’s usually a fucking saint

Smallboi- Shhhhh, I’m mean and intimidating

Tincan- Maybe to ants

Smallboi- Lies and slander

NotAWolf- Dunno kid, you seem pretty nice to me

RedSpy- Didn’t he compliment your metal arm in the middle of you guys fighting?

NotAWolf-Yep

Captain- That seems highly unprofessional

Tincan- Yes, because 14 year olds are always professional

Smallboi- Mr. Stark, please stop

Captain- He was 14?

RedSpy- When we get back, we’re working on your hand to hand

Smallboi- Yes Ms Black Widow ma’am

Tincan- Finally, someone else to help me keep him alive

Smallboi- I was doing fine before I met you!

Tincan- You ran around fighting muggers and bank robbers in a onesie, and got stabbed at least once a month. That is not fine

Smallboi- Semantics.

Falcon- Why a onesie?

Smallboi- Less likely to lose clothing when swinging if it’s all one part

Falcon- Fair

Tincan- You’re still coming over tonight, right?

Smallboi- Yes, is Rhodey gonna be there?

Tincan- Yep, and a few others

Smallboi- Like your boyfriend?

Tincan- He’s not my boyfriend you little shit

Smallboi- Does he know this?

HawkGuy- Wait, aren’t you still engaged to Pepper?

Tincan- Nope

Captain- Why?

Tincan- Hm, I don’t know, maybe because I’ve had to dedicate every second of this past year to getting you dumbasses back into the state?

HawkGuy- Tony…

Tincan- That and the fact that my immediate reaction to any disaster is to help, which she couldn’t stand. Basically, my hero work=no love life

NotAWolf- Then who is this “boyfriend” Peter was talking about

Tincan- A wizard I just so happen to enjoy pissing off

Smallboi- Enough to invite him to movie night? And share your caramel popcorn with him?

Tincan- You are now uninvited

Smallboi- But then who will keep L happy?

Tincan- Fine, you can still come

HawkGuy- Who’s L?

Tincan- You don’t have the security level to know that information

Captain- What do you mean we don’t have the security to know that? We’re Avengers, what higher level is there?

Tincan- You were Avengers, then you went rogue. Your security levels have been severely downgraded. And because we now answer to the government, they decided what you get to know and when

Captain- I thought you were making amendments to the Accords?

Tincan- Yes, minors don’t need to sign their legal names, and no one needs to give blood samples, tracking devices are banned, and your friend has been pardoned, and is allowed to join the Avengers if he so chooses to. He could also work for me in security, mainly keeping Spiderkid and his merry band of misfits alive

NotAWolf- Wait, really? You’d do that for me?

Tincan- Spiderkid helped me work through some stuff, and encouraged me to give you a chance. Don’t blow it

NotAWolf- I’d be honored to watch your disaster of a kid

Smallboi- Not a disaster!

Tincan- You’re literally sitting on the ceiling hitting H with a broom because they ate the last cupcake

Smallboi- What’s your point? You and S act the same way though

Tincan- False, we act like adults while you two act like gremlins

Smallboi- You sent DUM-e after him because he called you short

HawkGuy- Drag him kid

Tincan- Kid, I’ll send HP after you

Smallboi- Jokes on you, he gets me McDonald’s

Tincan- Seriously?

Smallboi- I’m very lovable Mr. Stark

Scarlet- I doubt that

NotAWolf- Leave the kid alone

RedSpy- He’s a sweetheart and I can make you disappear in more ways than one

Tincan- This kid won over Loki, he’s fucking lovable

Captain- Loki?

Tincan- Aw shit

Smallboi- I’m telling Rhodey you slipped up before I did!

Tincan- It’s like you want me to be killed

Smallboi- No, just mildly scolded in front of your crush

Tincan- Is there a difference?

HawkGuy- I’m assuming we weren’t supposed to know Loki’s back?

Tincan- Nope.

Falcon- Does that mean Thor’s with him?

Tincan- I’m not at liberty to say

Captain- Why the hell is Loki near you? He’s a bad guy!

Smallboi- They’re a good person! They were under mind control!

NotAWolf- Someone had the power to mind control a god?

Smallboi- Yeah, he’s gone though

Captain- That doesn’t excuse his actions!

NotAWolf- Rethink that sentence Stevie

Captain- That’s different!

Tincan- Is it? Neither of them were in control of their actions, therefore they deserve a second chance

RedSpy- Spiderkid help you see this?

Tincan- Of course

Captain- IS there anyone else there to prove what he says is true?

Tincan- You’ll find out when you guys come back next month

Smallboi- Yay, I finally get to meet you guys!

HawkGuy- You’ve already met us

Smallboi- I’m not counting that for most of you

Captain- Who are you counting it for?

Smallboi- The world may never know

NotAWolf- Kid, do you like cookies?

Smallboi- Obviously

NotAWolf- Help me make some when we get back? I’ve got some recipes I want to try, but these guys are lame and don’t appreciate hard work

Tincan- Only if I can have some

NotAWolf- Deal

Scarlet- Why do you want to spend time with that kid?

NotAWolf- He reminds me of a little Steve, but with less dumbass

Captain- I resent that

NotAWolf- Good, that was the point


	3. Coffee and Minivans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoy this chapter! And I love seeing all the comments on who you guys think each person is, so please keep it up! Also, the Rogues are going back in two weeks, so confirmation of characters is coming up, as well as ships!

Smallboi- Mr. Stark!

Tincan- Yes?

Smallboi- H just told me you have a red and gold minivan!

Tincan- Why is he in the garage?

Smallboi- Irrelevant, why do you have an Ironman themed minivan?

Tincan- Why not?

Smallboi- Mr. Stark, who would you even drive in that?

Tincan- You and your friends?

Smallboi- M and N could fit in a normal car, and H and HO would rather drive themselves, or walk, than ride in a minivan.

Tincan- Maybe so

Smallboi- Stop it. Get some help

Tincan- Been there, done that, learned nothing

Smallboi- Fair

Captain- Who are M, N, H, and HO?

Smallboi- You don’t have the security level to know that

Captain- Still? We’re going back in two weeks, what does it matter if I know now?

Smallboi- Who said you’d be allowed to meet them anyways?

Scarlet- You have no right to withhold information

Smallboi- But I do

Tincan- He does. Even when your levels are reinstated, his are higher. He doesn’t have to tell you anything

Falcon- How did a child manage that?

Smallboi- I made Fury cry

HawkGuy- You didn’t

Tincan- He did, it was amazing

Captain- But that doesn’t explain the absurd security level

Smallboi- They realized Tony would tell me everything they told him, or I would find the records of it or something, so they just upped my S.L. and let me into the meetings so I didn’t hurt their prides

RedSpy- Very good child

NotAWolf- Impressive

Falcon- I’m not sure whether to laugh or hide

HawkGuy- How about both?

Scarlet- How would you find the records?

Tincan- He and his friends are fucking geniuses, one of them even hack through the suit I designed to disable all my protocols, it’s basically a game to them to find out how long it takes thme to hack through stuff now

Captain- That sounds highly illegal

Smallboi- Only if you’re caught by the wrong people

Falcon- Wrong people?

Smallboi- Most of the higher ups think I’m adorable, and find my “antics endearing”

Tincan- He has all the SHIELD officials in his corner no matter the argument

Smallboi- Not true, no one will give me coffee

Tincan- Because you literally run on the walls and then fall on the floor crying when you have caffeine

Smallboi- Irrelevant

Tincan- It’s really not


	4. Rogues Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't mind any mistakes, I wrote this pretty fast. Hope y'all enjoy, and stay safe. Also, a lot of people are guessing who H, HO, N, M, and HA are correctly, or pretty closely, so I'll be revealing them soon! And who do you think B is?

Captain- Tony, we’re about to land

Tincan- Yes, and?

Captain- Are you going to be there?

Tincan- I planned on it, but something more important came up

Scarlet- What’s more important than this?

Tincan- Drying paint, a snail, spiderkid being stabbed, you take your pick

RedSpy- He got stabbed?

NotAWolf- Who do we need to go after?

Smallboi- It’s barely a scratch!

Tincan- Because of your enhanced healing. Even with that, it’s going to leave a long ass scar on his side

Smallboi- It’s called character

Tincan- I’m sure H disagrees

Smallboi- What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him

Tincan- I already told him you got stabbed

Smallboi- Traitor

Tincan- He’s getting you food

Smallboi- All transgressions are forgiven

Tincan- As they should be

RedSpy- You did not answer Bucky’s question

Smallboi- It was just some random mugger I met on patrol. I got distracted during the fight and he snagged me with a crappy pocket knife

Falcon- Damn, what distracted you

Tincan- A kitten, that he insisted on bringing back with him even as he was bleeding out

Smallboi- Her name is Scar

HawkGuy- Because you got stabbed, or because of the Lion King?

Smallboi- Yes

RedSpy- I forgot how much I disliked meetings

Tincan- Welcome to my world

Captain- Wait, is Pepper still the CEO?

Tincan- Kind of? She does the business side, but I handle all the tech stuff, and we picked our successors together

HawkGuy-You’ve already picked them? Isn’t it kinda soon?

Tincan- Nah, we want them to learn the ropes while we’re here to teach them

Captain- Why “them”

Tincan- It’s a whole team of people, all with different strengths that will help the company

RedSpy- Is our dear spider a part of this team?

Tincan- I can not legally confirm or deny this

Smallboi- Can Scar be on the team?

Tincan- Did B give you more pain meds?

Smallboi- Mayhaps

Captain- Tony, you should be here for these discussions, you are an Avenger

Tincan- Not on your team.

Falcon- Oh yeah, you’re training a bunch of kids, right?

Tincan- Basically. Speaking of the kids, Barnes, you in?

NotAWolf- Sure, I’ll babysit your super powered kids

Tincan- I only claim some of them

Smallboi- Only cause M and N won’t let you claim them

Tincan- Go back to sleep you menace

Smallboi- I’m not a menace!


	5. The Protect Tony Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoy this, and pay attention to who says what. It's a big clue in for everyone who was a bit off in guessing. Also, anyone who guessed S as Stephen Strange was correct! He's the "not a boyfriend" Tony and Peter were talking about! Other characters will be revealed in the next update, and I'm happy to say almost every guess in the comments has been right!

Captain- Tony.

Tincan- Yes?

Captain- You’re dating a wizard

Tincan- He’s actually a sorcerer

NotAWolf- Then why’d you call him a wizard?

Tincan- Because he hates it

NotAWolf- Fair

Tincan- How’d the meeting with the kids go?

NotAWolf- We made cookies and they’re braiding my hair

Tincan- M talk you into it?

NotAWolf- She’s basically a mini Pepper and it scares me

Tincan- Same

Smallboi- We’re keeping him, no take backs -M

Smallboi- He got everyone's approval

NotAWolf- I think it was the snickerdoodles that really won them over

Smallboi- Or the fact P liked you and told M to protect her “broken white boy”

NotAWolf- P should mind her business

Princess- Watch it white boy

Smallboi- M misses you!

Princess- Of course she does

Smallboi- Wrong answer -M

Princess- Forgive me goddess!

Smallboi- Perish -M

NotAWolf- Lol, rip Princess dumbass -H

Princess- Shut it you lovesick puppy

NotAWolf- No -H

Tincan- I can take someone’s phone too -HO

Captain- Who are you guys?

Smallboi- The team -M

NotAWolf- The upgraded Avengers -H

Tincan- You’re not Avengers yet, you’re all too young

Tincan- Avengers in training -HO

Captain- How many of you stay at the tower?

Smallboi- None of your business -M

NotAWolf- Irrelevant -H

Tincan- Tony says too many of us -HO

Scarlet- How old are you guys?

Tincan- Old enough to know we don’t like you -HO

NotAWolf- Or your mind games -H

Smallboi- Or your general attitude and inability to control your powers -M

Captain- She’s young, it’s not her fault

Smallboi- Spider-Man’s been working on control since he was 13, and he got help from Mr. Stark when he had trouble figuring stuff out. Age isn’t an excuse -M

NotAWolf- I made a fully functioning replica of Tony’s suit by 15, learned to fly it same year -H

Tincan- Tony himself graduated MIT at 15. Yeah, he may have partied way too hard afterwards, but he’s done some good stuff. -HO

Princess- I agree. His tech is spectacular, almost on par with my own.

Smallboi- He switched his company to green energy, completely switched it from weapons to inventions that actually help people, and gave HIS company over to someone he knew could handle it, because he knew he needed help.

RedSpy- You kids seem pretty dedicated to him

Smallboi- Well yeah, he’s taken those of us in bad situations out, paid for all the legal stuff involved in doing that, and gave us a home

Tincan- He didn’t even make us join the Mini Avengers, or get jobs. He just wanted us to focus on school, even offered to get us into good colleges, fully paid -HO

NotAWolf- You guys don’t know our Tony, you know Tony Stark -H

HawkGuy- It sounds like he’s a father figure to some of you

Smallboi- Mayhaps


	6. Names! And Threats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rest of the Mini Team joins the group chat, along with Tony's supposed boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Names are revealed, although Hacker, AKA Ned, did not say his name, and only 1 person said their last name. Hope y'all enjoy, and let me know if you got them right!

Smallboi- Spidey fell asleep, so I’m adding everyone -H

*Smallboi has added OnlyTenISee, Richboi, Hacker, Lesbihonest, NotAWizard*

OnlyTenISee- Much better

Lesbihonest- Stark’s gonna be mad

OnlyTenISee- I’m dating his kid, I’ll be fine

Hacker- That’s a lame way to protect yourself

Richboi- You’re just pouty ‘cause you didn’t think of it first

NotAWizard- H, you’re grounded

OnlyTenISee- No I’m not

Tincan- Yes you are. Also, no using Spidey as a shield

OnlyTenISee- But are you going to do anything when he’s laying on me? Probably not

Tincan- He has to move eventually

NotAWolf- Are you sure about that? I’ve only known these kids for a day, and he always seems to be on or near H

Captain- Why does Bucky get to meet them and not any of us?

Tincan- The kids wanted to meet him

Scarlet- Why not us?

OnlyTenISee- You seem mentally unstable and volatile

Lesbihonest- Clint needs to work out his family issues before joining our mess

Richboi- Still kinda want to punch Cap

Hacker- We’ll see Ms Widow when she shows up, we know better than to think she won’t

NotAWizard- Sam is invited to dinner tomorrow night, mainly because Spider-Man and H want to talk tech with him

Falcon- I’m down

RedSpy- Do we get to know your names now?

Tincan- If they want you to

Smallboi- I’m Peter!

OnlyTenISee- Harley.

Richboi- Harry Osborn

Tincan- Sadly

NotAWizard- None of the kids want Stark as a last name

OnlyTenISee- Do I not count?

Tincan- You hyphenated it

Smallboi-I find it hilarious

Lesbihonest- You find everything he does either funny or endearing

OnlyTenISee- Isn’t that how this works?  
Hacker- MJ, you do the exact same thing to Peter. Hell, our whole team is basically a cult dedicated to Peter

Princess- It is

Richboi- Jokes on you, I knew him first

Hacker- I knew he was Spider-Man first

Lesbihonest- I kissed him first

OnlyTenISee- I could say all the firsts of his I got, or we could just stop here

Smallboi- I vote for stopping here

Tincan- I vote for grounding Harley from my son

NotAWizard- I agree

Smallboi- I disagree

Tincan- Hush smallone, go take a nap

Smallboi- But I can’t sleep without Harley :(

HawkGuy- Come on Stark, let the kid have his pillow

OnlyTenISee- Exactly!

RedSpy- How did this relationship come to be?

Tincan- I brought Harley up from his hometown for some mechanic stuff, he met Peter, they nerded out, and next thing I knew Pete convinced Harley’s mom to let him move in with me, and had me convince his school to let Harley join

NotAWolf- This kid is magic, I’m sure of it

Smallboi- That’s what Loki said too

Lesbihonest- Loki worships the ground you walk on almost as much as Harley does

OnlyTenISee- They do, and it’s understandable

Richboi- Loki still refuses to cuddle anyone but Peter during movie night

OnlyTenISee- Never thought I’d have to fight a god to cuddle my boyfriend, but here we are

Falcon- Does that bother you?

OnlyTenISee- Not really, if anything it’s a lot of fun to joke about. Besides, Loki had a crappy life, I’m not gonna withhold comfort from them

Captain- Why do you keep using they and them to describe Loki?

OnlyTenISee- Loki is genderfluid, and because I haven’t seen them today, I don’t know what gender they identify as today, therefore I’d rather use gender neutral pronouns than assume

NotAWolf- Stark, I’m stealing your kids. They’re too sweet for this world

Lesbihonest- I could have you in prison in under an hour

Hacker- I could find and leak any and all of your personal information, including that hook up you had two years ago

Richboi- I can help MJ sue you within an inch of bankrupt for even looking at one of us wrong

Smallboi- I can throw you off a roof and make it look like an accident

Tincan- I’m so proud of my kids

NotAWizard- They’re pretty damn cool

Princess- Just go fuck already

NotAWolf- Shuri! Play nice!

Captain- Wait, what’s this about a hook up two years ago?

NotAWolf- Don’t worry about it.

Hacker- Oops

NotAWolf- I’d say you were on my shit list, but then Peter would be sad

Smallboi- Wise decision


	7. Can I Stick To One Topic? No.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter's a mess, the first half was written a while ago, so they don't really mesh together. Hope y'all enjoy, and please comment on anything you'd like to see!

Captain- Where the hell did Scott go?

Tincan- Antman? He left while you guys were still in Wakanda

HawkGuy- Wait, seriously?

Falcon- You guys didn’t notice? He literally told us the day he left that he took a plea bargain and was going to hang out with his daughter

Scarlet- No he didn’t

Princess- He did, T’Challa and I were in the room when he did. Only Sam actually paid attention, and Bucky

NotAWolf- You guys really need to pay attention to the world around you

RedSpy- I noticed, it just didn’t seem relevant

Smallboi- He joined your team even though he knew he would get in big trouble, risked his relationship with both his allies and his daughter, and you didn’t think it was relevant?

Tincan- That’s kind of crappy guys

HawkGuys- To be fair, we had a lot going on

NotAWolf- But so did he?

Captain- It was irresponsible of him to leave after everything we went through together

Tincan- Hypocrite

NotAWolf- Steven Grant Rogers, you take that back! That man joined you out of a twisted sense of loyalty, I doubt you even told him what the fight was about, and yet he stayed, became a fugitive for you, left everything he knew all because you asked him to

Smallboi- If he didn’t take the plea, he legally wouldn’t have been allowed to see his kid. He’s one house arrest for another year, it would have been longer, or he’d have gone straight to prison

Richboi- I think it’s cool that he went back for his kid

OnlyTenISee- He’s out there fighting for his kid, while my dad went out for smokes ten years ago and never returned

Richboi- Mine turned evil and tried to kill Peter

Lesbihonest- Don’t forget the physical and verbal abuse

OnlyTenISee- Ah yes, what lovely memories

Richboi- Is it really love if it doesn’t cause you to be emotionally stunted?

Hacker- I don’t think so!

Smallboi- If you don’t cry at least once a day, what are you doing with your time?

Lesbihonest- Nothing worth while!

NotAWizard- Dammit kids, this is why you can’t stop taking your meds

Tincan- No no, they have a point

NotAWizard- Tony, how long have you been awake?

Tincan- I’m seeing clowns

NotAWizard- Alright, bed time

Smallboi- Lol, who needs a bedtime??

OnlyTenISee- You, so get to bed

Smallboi- Cuddles?

OnlyTenISee- If you hurry

Richboi- Damn, Peter just flung himself at Harley

Hacker- Who needs love when you can watch him be a dumbass?

Princess- This is why I don’t feel comfortable leaving you without a babysitter

NotAWolf- Sorry, it’s my day off

RedSpy- How are these kids still alive

NotAWolf- I think they run off caffeine and spite

Lesbihonest- Accurate


	8. Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is cat confirmed, and Harry likes water a little too much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, school's been a mess, but I should *hopefully* be getting into a better schedule where I can update more. This chapter's short, only because I don't have a lot of ideas rn. Let me know what you want to see!

NotAWizard- Tony

Tincan- Stephen

NotAWizard- Why is your child laying on the Sanctum steps?

Tincan- 1st, which kid? 2nd, dunno, have you tried asking them?

NotAWizard- Peter, and he’s asleep. I think he was sunning himself like a cat on the steps

Tincan- Weird

OnlyTenISee- So that’s why he missed lunch

Lesbihonest- Huh, I thought he was just hanging out at the apartment

Richboi- He told me he wanted to talk to W, I guess he went to talk and got caught up napping?

NotAWizard- Is this the first time he’s done this?

Richboi- Nah, he did it at my sperm donor’s office all the time. Eventually the douche just had security bring him in and lay him in a sunny spot inside

Captain- Sperm donor? Isn’t that a bit disrespectful?

NotAWolf- Stevie, you out of everyone should know a deadbeat dad when you hear one

Captain- Still…

Richboi- Did yours try to kill your friends and you?

Captain- No

Richboi- Did he conduct experiments on living creatures to see how much he could fuck up biology?

Captain- No..

Richboi- Then you don’t get to tell me that I’m being disrespectful. Besides, he’s locked in the Raft, not like he can get onto me for talking shit

Scarlet- Where are you living if he’s locked up?

HawkGuy- Probably his mother

Richboi- Nah, she’s dead

Falcon- Do any of you kids have all your parents alive and not abusive?

Hacker- I do! Unfortunately, I’m not an only child, so they don’t really care what I do as long as I don’t cost them money

Lesbihonest- Both of mine are alive, but my mom decided I was too much work and skipped out on my dad and I

OnlyTenISee- Same, but with my dad, and I have a little sister my mom prefers over me, so she didn’t care if I came up to live with Tony

Richboi- Still mad you got first dibs on a room

Smallboi- Technically, I got first dibs

OnlyTenISee- Besides, you didn’t have to pick the same floor as us. There were many bigger rooms on lower floors

Richboi- But then I wouldn’t get to throw water on you when you take too long to wake up

Tincan- Please stop doing that, there’s only so many mattress stores that will return my calls now

Captain- Why would you have to throw out a mattress if it was only a little water?

Richboi- Who said anything about little? If it’s not at least three gallons, it’s not worth the hassle

Hacker- Why do you never do that to Peter of MJ?

Richboi- I know better than to f with MJ, and if I don’t piss Peter off, I get cuddles instead of Harley

OnlyTenISee- Okay, but why not Ned?

Richboi- He doesn’t stay over enough for it to be any fun


	9. Loki is a Good Boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is a good boi, and Harry gets stuck on a chandelier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while, let me know if you guys enjoyed this chapter, and who you want to see more of! Also, I know Strange and Bucky's screen names are similar, if it gets too annoying to figure out when reading, I can change them. Thanks for reading, hope y'all enjoy!

NotAWolf- Tony, tell your kids that Loki is not a pet

Tincan- He’s not? Damn, now I have to cancel that custom collar order

Captain- Please tell me you didn’t actually get a god a collar

Tincan- Why do you think I had to custom order one? He’d never accept a basic, store bought one

NotAWolf- He says if you cancel that order, he’s taking the kids to space again

Tincan- Tell him to calm down, artist says it’s almost ready to be shipped

RedSpy- You actually ordered him a collar?

Tincan- He wanted one, and I have lots of money. Happy God of Mischief, happy life

Falcon- Makes sense to me

HawkGuy- Is this a kink thing?

Tincan- Nah, it’s more of a physical reassurance that we want him around and care about his needs

Captain- Why’re you calling him a him?

Smallboi- It’s a he/him day for Loki, we ask every morning and use the pronouns he tells us

Scarlet- Why can’t he just pick one?

Lesbihonest- Because that’s not how gender fluid works?

OnlyTenISee- Because he’s forever changing, and feels no need to conform to Earth gender norms?

Richboi- Because he can slay any gendered or non gendered look he wants to, and likes having his identity affirmed by his family?

Hacker- Because Loki is a higher being than you, and has no need for your heteronormativity? Or cis bs?

Smallboi- Because I can witch -Loki

Tincan- Alright children, go play with Loki, you can open people’s minds later

Smallboi- Bye dad!

HawkGuy- How’re you so good with that horde of kids?

NotAWizard- They’re basically the child versions of him and his friends, he relates too much

Tincan- That’s not true

NotAWizard- R disagrees

Tincan- R can suck a papaya

NotAWizard- Using people’s allergies against them is rude Anthony

Tincan- Who the fuck is Anthony?

NotAWizard- You.

Tincan- Nope, that name has been buried. Say or type it ever again, and I’m locking you out of the tower

NotAWizard- I can teleport anywhere I like. Try me, Anthony.

Falcon- Please no foreplay in the chat

Smallboi- I second this

NotAWizard- Peter, want me to tell P about all of the webbing you decided to leave hanging in the very expensive light fixture she picked out?

Smallboi- Bye Mr. Strange Dr. Wizard sir!

Tincan- Why does he listen to you more than me?

NotAWizard- I have better threats

Tincan- I can sick P on him too!

NotAWizard- No you can’t. You’re both too scared of her, and always have work to catch up on, so you avoid her as much as possible to avoid said work

NotAWolf- Can one of you come get your son off the ceiling?

NotAWizard- Please tell me it’s Peter

NotAWolf- Nope, it’s Harry

NotAWizard- Webbed or hanging from a light?

NotAWolf- Chandelier in the dining room

NotAWizard- Damn, can Loki get him?

NotAWolf- MJ’s braiding his hair, he refuses to move until it’s done

NotAWizard- Fine, on my way

HawkGuy- Why are your children so feral?

Tincan- Why not?

Captain- Why is Harry on a chandelier?

Smallboi- He was singing that song about partying and sex, so he had to swing on a chandelier to get the full effect

RedSpy- Had to?

Richboi- Had to.

**Author's Note:**

> Who do you think H is? ;)


End file.
